Wednesday, September 16, 2009

if you're happy and you know it

when i returned to b.a., from my visit to the states in late july, there was a strong indicator that i would have a new job that would require me to stay in b.a. for another year. i was thinking that if i didn't get the job i would consider moving back to the u.s..

when i learned i got the job i was extremely excited. in so many ways it is perfect for me, my career and my life here, but at the same time it invoked fear of having to commit to argentina for a year or more. i'm still struggling with this feeling, but i'm accepting the permanency more with each day. to tell you the truth this isn't an argentina specific problem. i felt the same way (pre-argentina move) when i thought about living in the u.s. my whole life and never having the opportunity to live abroad. i'm not sure i have the ability to commit to a country.

it's like tina and i were just dating. if i wanted to break-up it wouldn't have been that difficult and i could have found many justifications to leave her. now it's like we're engaged (not married). it's more difficult to break up, it's still possible but a lot harder, especially when tina is treating me so well.

i've decided to overcome my commitment phobia with tina by addressing my issues and trying to create solutions. i think this will help me deal with my commitment phobia; at least temporarily.

i realized all this last night when i was salsa dancing.

dancing gives me so much joy; to hear the music, to dance, to be exercising and to feel healthy. it puts me in a fantastic mood. so, when i was walking home afterward i realized that i haven't felt that happy in a long time (except the day when i received the news about the job)(and when i visited the states in july and saw friends and my family...that made me extremely happy)

i realized that i was in a rut and still mulling over the idea of being a resident of b.a., at least until april 2011. i'm getting use to the idea and i'm happy that this growing pain is almost through.

not too many people can say they followed their dream. i'm happy and i know it.

8 comments:

Donigan said...

So are your friends.

yillabean said...

thanks!!!!!

Nancy said...

I'm so glad you followed your dreams! Do you think you'll be home again to visit sometime before April 2011? We'd love to see you!!!

yillabean said...

i'm sure i'll be home again before 2011. maybe next summer? your summer that is... on my next trip home i would love love love to come to bloom and see you!

Janet said...

Hey! I'm currently going through the same quandary... should i stay another year or go back? Then i realize how quickly this year has gone and what's another year?

yillabean said...

hey janet! really, you're thinking of another year?! that's great! have you considered another country...say argentina?

Janis said...

I followed my heart and moved to BsAs in 1999. No desire to return to the USA. Living here is a joy, as well as dancing tango.

Michele Harvey said...

I'm interested in living in and teaching English in BA next year.
I'm currently back in the States after living and teaching in Santiago, Chile. Which institutes do you recommend in BA and what is the best way to meet other expats to socialize with? I've recently started following your blog and it's awesome.

Thanks,
Michele