following my heart...or not

why, when my heart tells me to do something i'm hesitant, but when it tells me not to do something i'm more likely to give it some thought?

i know the Columbian isn't the one for me. without going into details i just know it, in my heart. he's starting to pull away from me and i know i'll lose him soon, whether it be now or when i follow my heart to Buenos Aires. so why do i sit here and think, maybe. maybe i'll try a real relationship with him. maybe it could work out?

things happen for a reason, and i do believe that. a new friend came into my life in the past month. we have amazing conversation, I feel like he just gets me and I feel an excited energy when we're talking. i would like to believe that he appeared to show me how things should be.

maybe the Columbian relationship is ending because if it doesn't, i'll want to stay here, with him and i won't leave?

nevertheless, it hurts knowing he'll be leaving my life, i'm not prepared, i'm not ready to let him go.

grrr, here i am again thinking that maybe it could work out...i'm thinking "just let me try and see if it can work out"...

my heart knows it won't. why don't i want to listen?