Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Ready to be Transplanted

The other night I think I was being compared to a banana tree? As I was told, Banana trees don't have deep roots. When a storm comes through they fall over. So be it. I don't have deep roots in PA; I'm sort of a banana, but I won't just fall over.

Maybe I'm of a banana variety because I never had the opportunity to develop deep roots? I'm sure its due to my childhood. At the age of 12, I remember counting down the exact number of days until my 18th birthday. I knew at 18 I could legally escape from my parents. I dreamed of the day I could uproot. Luckily at 17 I got that opportunity and transplanted myself at my aunt and uncle's. I knew that I was welcome and I felt stable. But secretly, I also felt a pang of guilt and never put my roots in; I didn't want to be a burden. I knew they were paying to feed and house me. I was never made to feel like a burden, never. I just felt that way. I knew my year in Sweden was temporary and I knew living in my college town was temporary too. Moving to Philly even felt temporary. I've now been living here for FOUR years. I have yet to purchase a real sofa because I have the mindset that I'll be leaving soon...yes, for four years I kept thinking I can't buy a sofa because the thought of owning a sofa made me feel like I would have to stay (I know I'm a banana to think this).

I can feel the wind blowing, but I'm not going to fall over. I'm just going to transplant myself.

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