Monday, December 29, 2008

looking back

i got into a rut sunday night. i wanted to rent an american movie to watch in spanish. i rented 'the break up' (bad choice - good movie, but it was a downer - guess i should have known by the title, eh?). i also 'stopped by' for some of my argentine addiction; it was right next to the movie store. you guessed it! 250 grams of helado!

i started out watching the movie in spanish (dubbed). They spoke such fast Spanish, I couldn't follow. I tried to endure it, thinking it would get easier, but then I just put on the English subtitles. Then I realize that i wasn't even paying attention to the Spanish because I had to read so quickly in English to keep up with the bickering dialog.

Looking back, I should have put the movie in Spanish with Spanish subtitles. I'm better at picking out words in text rather than catching them in dialog.

Throughout the movie, the two main characters were constantly fighting and they were so mean to each other. It didn't make me laugh and it put me in a funk. It reminded me of not so fond memories of the past.

Lately my mind has been getting stuck in the past. I keep replaying events that happened before I left. Things were so good. I had it so good. Was it smart of me to leave while things were good? I think it would have been easier to leave if things were bad; I know that I wouldn't be looking back as I am now.

I also miss hanging out with my close friends. I've met wonderful people here, but the relationships are still in their new stages. There is just something about 'old' friendships / or friendships that are so comfortable where you can just let go; these feel so good.

I don't regret my decision to move here. It's still the right decision for me, but I can't help but look back and remember the good times.

The best, easiest, and cheapest way out of a rut is exercise, so that is just what I did this morning. Last night I left my bedroom door open, knowing that the cat I'm watching would come in my at precisely 8:30 to bother me for her feeding. I don't like her morning kisses, but it does get me up. By 9am my sneakers were strapped on and I headed out. Within the first 1/2 hour I was still replaying my past life; mostly the last month at home, but I soon cheered up and started thinking about now and how I want to build my life here, how I've always wanted to live abroad and how lucky I am to be living my dream.

I enjoy not working, but I think come February or March I will be very ready to start working again. I don't do so well without a schedule. I plan on going back to group Spanish classes next week; for structure and to improve my Spanish.


Nancy said...

I am sorry you are feeling in a rut. I think your timing of leaving was just right. If you left at a bad time, you'd always wonder if you were "running" away from stuff. But since you left when things were good, you know you left to follow a dream!

When I first quit my job to be a stay at home mom, I felt kinda wierd not having a schedule. But eventually, I got in a groove. You will too! But it is wierd, isn't it?

yillabean said...

You're right, if I left when things were bad I would wonder if I was running away.

Yes, not having a set schedule feels off. Next week I plan on taking a spanish class everyday, so that should help. I should also exercise every morning; it really helped yesterday.

Big hugs & thanks for your support